Decepticon G1 Retirement Home
by Prander
Summary: It's been a looong time since 1984 and even though they have been replaced several times since by sleek new models and technology, the G1 Decepticon's still retain some of their old wicked ways. I hope this brings you all a smile. Thanks for the feedback and reviews and please check out my profile or forum for a personal thank you. :)


Megatron, rusted, dented and creaking, worked the wheels of his chair as he struggled to get over to the closet. He bashed his fist down on the armrest and snarled a command.

"Transform damn you! Coward!" And he yanked feebly at the arm rest, pulling the stuffing out.

Nurse Wilkens came sweeping into the room with a happy smile, eyeing the aging Decepticon leader as he thrashed about in his wheelchair over by the window.

"And how are we feeling this morning?" she beamed, checking his sheets.

"Nurse Wilkens! This warrior refuses to obey my command and bring me my fusion cannon!" Megatron leaned over and roared at the chair between his dented knees.

"Transform!"

"Now Megatron, you know that's _not _one of your warriors. That's your wheelchair."

"Of course it is." He snarled, collapsing back.

"Bring me my fusion cannon!" He shouted suddenly. With a tolerant smile Nurse Wilkens stepped over to the closet and slipped out the long spray painted cardboard tube with the safety cap end and attached it to his arm.

Megatron immediately pointed it at her.

"Die, you menopausal milk cow!"

She tutted at him and went back to making his bed. He continued thrusting his 'cannon' at her, waiting for the blast.

"Dammit!" He snarled, dropping his arm, and staring at his weapon puzzled.

"It's such a lovely day outside. Maybe you and the others can sit out on the veranda and have some ice cream."

"HA! Maybe we'll decide to blow up the sun and harness the...the..." Megatron coughed hard. Nurse Wilkens waited patiently.

"Did you eat all your plumbs last night? Remember what happened last week."

"Silence! I need nothing from you, fleshling!" He snarled, rolling out into the hallway and creaking his way down the hall.

"Good morning Mr. Megatron." other staff called out.

Megatron stopped abruptly and pointed his fusion cannon about.

"Die fleshlings! I shall reduce this building to rubble...and then...then..." He scratched his head, flakes of rust dusting from his scalp. His cannon slipped off his arm and rolled over against the wall with a hollow thunk of cardboard.

"Oh, shut up already." Starscream came shuffling out of his room, dented as well, hooked back and rusted. His arms shook as he trudged along with his walker. He leaned over and picked up Megatron's fusion cannon.

"Give that back you treacherous worm!" Megatron snarled.

"Worm is it?" Starscream grated, turning and bonking the tube off Megatron's head slowly with all his feeble strength. "Pick it up yourself next time!"

Nurse Taylor came out from behind the desk, stopping the cackling Starscream from thunking the tube off a cursing and flailing Megatron.

"Now now, you boys place nice or there'll be no afternoon TV." She took the tube and pushed Starscreams walker closer to him before she affixed Megatron's cannon back into place. He immediately pointed it at Starscream.

"Die traitor!"

"Yeah yeah." Starscream sighed, shuffling along with Nurse Taylor as she pushed Megatron through some double doors into the common TV room.

"Decepticons transform and attack!" Megatron called out immediately and when he bent over with a fit of coughing, his warriors tried to reply from their places around the room.

Thundercracker, stuck half transformed on a gurney, groaned and creaked, able to only lift his one hand. The three Reflector's, playing dominoes at a card table, tried to stand up but finally gave up and went back to their game. One of them slowly toppled out of his chair with a groan. Soundwave trudged up on heavy feet with a permanent hiss of static, dragging the exo-skeleton of a long dead Ravage on a leash behind him. Shockwave got up from the couch and walked towards the sound of Megatrons voice, leading the way with his cane and completely blind.

"Shockwave reporting for duty Lord Megatron." he croaked, walking right into a beam and careening off it to fall against Starscream. Starscream snarled and pushed him away.

"Get off me you old fool." He hissed.

"Excellent Shockwave. Prepare for immediate action." Megatron ordered.

Soundwave stepped behind Megatrons chair to push it and all four slowly made their way towards the doors leading out to the veranda with the squeak of rust and pop of piston.

"A moment Soundwave." Megatron held up his hand and leaned over.

"Who is that?!"

Starscream stopped shuffling and looked over at the two large crates that held the shattered remains of Skywarp.

"That's Skywarp." He sighed, frustrated. "You ask that every day!"

"What happened to him?!" Megatron demanded, looking up at his old second in command.

"Omega Supreme stomped on him! Can we get a move on already?" he shuffled forward as Megatron again pointed his cannon at him.

Staff opened the doors and let the fresh air and sunlight in and the Decepticons trudged outside, groaning and lifting their hands to block the sun. It was a nice view, the compound built on a hill with it's veranda overlooking a small valley of pine trees.

Soundwave, hissing and popping static, tugged on Ravages leash and then stood silently by Megatrons chair.

Starscream lowered himself into a lawn chair, glancing at the old espionage Decepticon with disgust.

"Can't you at least turn the volume down?" he sighed.

"Volume?" Megatron suddenly woke up and looked around.

"Soundwave." Starscream hooked a thumb at the mute Decepticon.

"What about him? Unlike some of my other warriors, Soundwave has never failed me!" And he thrust his rusty chin out at Starscream.

"Oh is that so?" Starscream lifted one eyebrow. "He's the reason we finally got caught!"

"What are you prattling about?"

"When we tried to break in to NASA do you remember that?"

"Who?"

Starscream waved his hand at him. "Ah never mind."

"Explain or die!" Megatron thrust up his cannon.

Starscream, without looking at Megatron and in a patronizing tone of one who has had to tell the story a thousand times, went on.

"We tried to break into NASA. The year was two thousand eleven. And your wonder-boy there transformed into a tape deck. A tape deck! In this day and age? He stood out like a sore thumb! The humans promptly scooped him up and tossed him into a recycling bin and when we tried to get him out, your back went out and later we were all caught and rounded up after the spacebridge exploded taking Astrotrain and Blitzwing with it! The End!"

"Lucky bastards." Shockwave sighed from his chair.

Megatron turned painfully in his chair.

"Soundwave is this true?"

"He can't answer you, you old fool." Starscream replied. "His speakers blew out years ago."

"Nonsense! At least Soundwave knows how to obey a command! Soundwave! Send Laserbeak to spy out potential fuel sources! At once!" Megatron raised a feeble arm.

Soundwave trudged over to the railing and pried open his chest with a screwdriver, he slid Laserbeak out and setting him down, painstakingly unfolded the ancient predator bird cassette. Laserbeak croaked, shaking himself out and slowly turned to face Megatron.

"Uhh...ummm..." Megatron's eyes narrowed as he leaned forward in his chair.

"Laserbeak." Starscream prompted.

"Laserbeak! Find me energon and report back immediately!" Megatron commanded, his old cracked eyes gleaming.

Laserbeak croaked once and waddled to the edge of the railing, flexed his wings and blasted into the air. But his wings broke off immediately and his round body arced up and down into the trees like a frozen turkey.

Megatron's mouth dropped open.

"Well don't look so surprised!" Starscream snarled at him as he struggled out of his chair and shuffled over to the hand railing to look down over it with Soundwave.

"Why did you do that you, old fool?" he called back over his shoulder.

But Megatron had wheeled himself closer and with both hands clutching the long tube of his 'cannon' he pushed Starscream over the edge.

"Get down there and bring him back!" he roared.

Starscream careened over the side and disappeared with a screech, followed by the sounds of an old dish-washer being rolled down the hill.

Megatron grinned savagely, lowering his cannon. But then suddenly he looked confused and turning his chair, he stared at Shockwave.

"Who was I talking too?" He asked.

Shockwaves head broke off and rolled with a bump down across the floor.

The End.


End file.
